That's Marvelous!
#128. The Next Pope and You 21 April 2025 at 15:54

#128. The Next Pope and You

21 April 2025 at 15:54

Hi everyone,

I am writing to you after spending a few days in Austin for the Moontower Comedy Festival. Staying in downtown Austin just off of 6th Street really makes you look inward and ask some serious questions. Questions like: “Have all the nation’s 24-year-olds descended on a five-block strip to get blackout drunk?” And: “Can I count salsa as a vegetable? Because otherwise I might not have eaten a vegetable in like 36 hours.”

Despite navigating hordes of inebriated youths and a looming fear of scurvy, the festival was a really stellar time. I saw a ton of comedy friends and several non-comedy friends and made a ton of new friends (I’m very friendly). I don’t get to go to Los Angeles as often as I’d like, and that’s where many pals live now, so it was a treat to catch up with west coast buddies who were also in town. It was also nice to see a bunch of New York comedians outside of our normal rhythms. We got to do more hanging out and goofing around than when we have the rest of our lives to attend to.

Thanks to everyone who came to my headlining show at the State Theatre! And thanks to my friend Isabel Hagen for opening the show! Isabel writes perfect jokes and is also a classically trained viola player which is unfair and frankly rude. She must be stopped. (But in the event that her rampage is allowed to continue you should check out her directorial feature film debut at Tribeca this summer!)

Me standing in front of the State Theatre in Austin pointing up at the marquee with my name on it. — I’m pointing up so you know why I’m standing there.

HUGE thanks also to Colleen and the whole festival staff for organizing such a fun and impeccably run event. Thanks to the Sklar Brothers for having me on their show Tag It (where comedians do a set and then Randy and Jason provide a wealth of potential tags for their jokes) and Business Casual for having me on their live podcast show to take a practice SAT test in front of the audience. (My verbal section was pretty good, but my math could use some brushing up. I was extremely stressed out the entire time, through no fault of Business Casual’s.)

PEP TALK FOR THE NEXT POPE

Ralph Fiennes in Conclave. — He didn’t win the Oscar; just let him have this, imo.

The Pope died over the weekend or today depending on what time zone you’re in, and I will not be making jokes about that because while I don’t believe in hell, I also don’t enjoy people telling me I’ll go there online for a week straight. Plus, it would hurt my feelings if Catholics said mean things when Mel Brooks (the closest thing my people have to a Pope) died.

I know you’re out there somewhere listening to “Humble” by Kendrick Lamar in your headphones so as not to feel inappropriately worthy of assuming stewardship over the whole church. Maybe you’re worried that you won’t be able to fill Pope Francis’s shoes (which, upon Googling, had considerably more style than I imagined). Do not worry, future Pope. Just by virtue of taking office (Is that what we say about Pope? Again…Jewish.) you will be infallible. Catholic grandmas all over the world will accept whatever you say. That’s Pope’s Prerogative! You can even say that gay people are good or genocide is bad, and the only people who will really get mad are conservative commentators who should probably just have Ronald Reagan prayer candles in their homes and give up the facade of religion entirely.

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There’s only so bad a job you can do as Pope these days. You’re not going to convert the Vatican to cryptocurrency. (I don’t even know if Popes have that kind of municipal authority.) You’re probably going to be mostly within the general sphere of acceptable Popedom. Although honestly I do think it would be very funny if you, like, sincerely converted to Islam. That would probably shake the whole situation up a little. But I can’t imagine you came this far with all the robes and blessings and Latin to do that. And, if you do anything to cut out…you know…the thing the Catholic Church is second most famous for, you’ll probably go down as the GOAP (Greatest of All Popes).

PEP TALK FOR A READER

This request was extremely straightforward to I left it basically untouched.

I need a pep talk to get me through the next few months as I manage my senior dog's healthcare and possible end of life, getting my child through the end of HS and ready to launch into the adult world, and finalizing a divorce amid all the attendant financial and emotional turmoil.
- Have You Heard That Sometimes It Rains AND Pours?

My goodness, you are in the throes of so many big changes. And even the positive shifts are heavy and effortful. There’s not a single event you cataloged that will fully happen on its own, nor is there one that’s absent of a high-voltage emotional charge. There’s nothing you mentioned that’s laborious and less fraught (putting together new furniture, taking on a rigorous new job, learning to weld) or mentally taxing but otherwise undemanding (deciding whether to go back to school after you’ve been accepted, working up the nerve to ask for a sabbatical at work, lifting a fallen tree with your mind).

You’ve got to actually do all these things, and you’re going to feel as it’s going on. Raw deal, I know, but it’s the only one that’s on offer. But you can do this! And, more than that, you will! This isn’t like filing your taxes. You can’t just skate by without actually completing that task for a couple of years if things get hectic enough (not that I’d know, but I do). Dragging your feet will have immediate and noticeable consequences. So, wisely, you’ll probably choose to put your head down and barrel through this gauntlet of landmark events.

That is, in my opinion, lightly good news. You seem to realize that the only way out is through, so through is where you’re headed. But the better news, is that once you go through, you’re out. That’s the corollary, right? If the only way out is through, the place you end up once you’re through is out! It’s kind of like the transitive property of mathematics but…not quite. And after all this through you’re mired in, no one has ever been as out as you’re about to be.

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So get excited for out! You’re not going to be a brand new person. Despite what my old barber used to say immediately after every haircut (“Brand new man!” he’d gush, while snapping his fingers, despite removing maybe 5mm of hair from the sides of my head) one rarely finds one’s self a person fully transformed. But you will be a mostly-continuous version of yourself under new and bracing circumstances. They won’t all be good, but they will all offer the potential for a beautiful future informed by your past. Hold on! Out’s coming!

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Matt Berninger - “Bonnet of Pins”

Matt Berninger and his band The National are not known for music that makes one feel good. They’re more conversant in songs for drinking alone to while the sun creeps over the horizon on its way up. But this one has some big bright horns towards the end and an old school “Mr. November”-era National charge to is, so I made an exception. Sue me if you dare. I’ll fight it tooth and nail. (That kind of sounds like a National lyric honestly.)

And there’s a new Illuminati Hotties song featuring Stefan from PUP! Honestly, it’s a better fit for this section of the newsletter, but I’ve been going so hard for both of these bands individually in these here (web) pages that I figured you’d all be like enough already. So I linked it separately.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my friend Avery Friedman’s gentle and tender and lovely new album is out now! Congratulations, Avery!!!

UPCOMING SHOWS

I’m out and about in NYC a whole bunch coming up, plus a few shows on the road!

4/21: Co-hosting Frankenstein’s Baby at Union Hall (Brooklyn)

4/22: Co-Headlining Baruch PAC with Marina Franklin

4/23: GRIEFSTRIKE! Reading at Francis Kite (Manhattan)

5/4: 54/54/54 at 54 Below (Manhattan)

That's Marvelous!
#127. The Pitt and You 14 April 2025 at 15:33

#127. The Pitt and You

That's Marvelous!

By: Josh Gondelman

14 April 2025 at 15:33

Hi everyone,

There’s very little routine weather I enjoy less than 40 degrees and rainy. Just snow, coward, I want to shout at the sky. On account of lousy weather and not much work on the calendar, I had an extremely cozy Maris-and-Maggie hanging out weekend, which was lovely when we did not have to subject ourselves to the elements. On Friday night, we watched Black Bag, the new Steven Soderbergh movie, which I loved and Maris liked a lot. It’s about love and mind games and espionage. And, it’s only 94 minutes long *guy on dating apps voice* because I guess that matters. (It does matter to me! I think movies should be short until proven to merit being long.)

We also plowed through the last few episodes of The Residence, the new Netflix series starring Uzo Aduba as an eccentric detective solving a murder in the White House. It might be my favorite of the recent batch of comedy/murder mystery shows. My all-time favorite is probably Search Party, but I don’t consider that part of this batch. The mystery of The Residence is very fun and mostly very tight! I laughed out loud a bunch of times! I don’t know many people who watched it (except for my friend Ashtyn who correctly guessed the ending!!!) so I have been mostly unable to vent about one little plot hole, but otherwise it was very enjoyable.

PEP TALK FOR EVERYONE ON THE PITT

Key art for The Pitt on Max featuring Noah Wyle as a doctor. — The tag line should be: “In this Pitt, they open up…YOU.”

Okay so I have not seen this tv show at all because I am humiliatingly squeamish, but my wife is watching it as I’m working on this newsletter, and everyone seems like they’re in a pretty bad way. The doctors seem stressed as hell. The patients are in agony. I’m hearing constant moaning and squishing sounds, and not in a sensual way.

Here’s what I have to offer these people: I imagine that the patients are in capable hands and the doctors are working alongside trusted and assiduous colleagues. I feel like they wouldn’t make a drama about a hospital full of dumbass doctors who are always leaving rubber gloves inside of pancreases and amputating the wrong feet. These nurses may be overworked and underfunded (again, unclear on the sitch here, just kind of overhearing bloops and squelches) but they’re doing their best, dammit.

There are so many times in life that things just go wrong. I bet it is hard to be the kind of medical professional where occasionally your patients die. (I mean, I guess all of every doctor’s patients die on a long enough timeline, but ideally not right in front of them.) And it is probably as emotionally difficult to die as it is physically easy to do so. It rules to not be dead (not to rub it in if anyone dead is reading this), and it’s kind of amazing if you stop and think about the unlikelihood of being alive.

So many tragedies happen all the time, and anytime there’s someone there to help out when one befalls you is a miracle. Again I’m feeling kind of emotionally open this week, which is not all that normal for me, and the idea of like, doctors, is really astonishing. Why aren’t we all doctors? Should I be a doctor? Could I even get into medical school???

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But! The season is over so any potential bad news is all on hold for now. Get well soon, or get some rest, or both!

PEP TALK FOR TWO READERS

I did a little capitalizing and comma-izing to this request but otherwise left it unchanged.

I’m writing a novel (just words no pictures!) and I’ve never done this before and I have to finish it before I try to sell it and it feels like a big bet on myself!
- Oh, Word!

[Newsletterer’s note: The pep talk requester is a very talented writer and visual artist who has published books before that include their artwork, hence the parenthetical.]

In my biased (or rather, let’s say informed) opinion: This rules. It’s great to try a new form of creative expression, even if you’re horrendous at it (which I’m sure you’re not). Seriously, even if you’re in the process of writing the worst novel since ink was first put to paper (which I would bet my life you are not) it would be a worthwhile undertaking to bite of a big hunk of the unknown and chew it until it’s small enough to swallow.

(Caveats here being: As long as you aren’t endangering your ability to pay your bills, which it doesn’t sound like you are, or imperiling anyone else with your new endeavor, which also sounds unlikely. Writing a novel rarely ruins someone else’s life, and you realllly have to try to make that happen.)

You’ll almost definitely fold a new crevasse or two in your brain from the sheer novelty (pun unintended, but not deleted, so you be the judge…) of novel writing. It will no doubt inform your future attempts at picture-free fiction, or a return to the kind of work at which you’re already an expert.

SIDE NOTE: I think sometimes, and I’m not saying you’re doing this here, but sometimes, people write off the value of things that they’re already good at because they don’t feel hard and therefore don’t seem as worth doing. But it’s not a cheat to allow a pre-existing talent or previously-cultivated skill to lead you. It’s giving yourself the gift of your own expertise. You can always try new stuff, but you deserve full credit for your current capacity as well! SIDE NOTE OVER.

Even if the novel was a pile of goat puke (which, as we’ve established, it’s not) and you didn’t learn a single thing from the process (which, as we’ve covered, you will) the whole thing would be valuable because you want to do it. It’s good (if and when you can) to allot time and energy and precious mental capacity to something that fascinates and engages you, something that makes you feel alive and full of possibility.

I know I write a lot to and about people in the midst creative pursuits, but this pep talk goes for any kind of thing. If you want to take a French lesson or buy a skateboard, do it. It doesn’t matter if you never know how to tell a native Parisian where the library is, or land a kickflip. There’s valor in trying something new because you’ve never done it before and are curious. It’s the opposite of making AI draw you as an embryo or whatever. You benefit just by doing it, even if it’s bad. How often do you get to benefit from something even if you’re history’s worst practitioner of that skill? Almost never. And of course, as mentioned above, you aren’t and won’t be.

A PEP TALK UPDATE (PEPDATE?)

I received this message on Bluesky from a recent pep talk recipient and wanted to pass it along!

Do you ever do a 'where are they now?' for past pep talks?? because the end of my story is that while I couldn't afford to buy my current apartment [which my landlord is selling], I found another, better apartment nearby that I CAN afford!

Oh heck yeah!!!!

PICK-ME-UP SONG OF THE WEEK:
Allo Darlin’ - “Tricky Questions”

The algorithm hit me right between the eyes on Friday night. Maris (and Maggie) and I were sitting on the couch, DJ-ing through our tv’s speakers via iTunes or Apple Music or whatever the app is called now. Maris spotted a new Allo Darlin’ song, the first in about a decade, on the New and Notable (or whatever that is called now) menu. Allo Darlin’, an Australian band, has apparently survived the rise and fall of the twee aughts and early 2010s and came out the other side…still twee. This song is so damn PLEASANT. It’s light and peppy and feels like spring. Hate to tip my cap to our robot overlords, but they really knew what I needed to hear.

BONUS SONG: Turnstile - “Never Enough”

We’ve also got this new Turnstile song, which I can’t get enough of, thanks to the human song selection machine . Turnstile has a loud/soft quality to their songs that is like if the Pixies sounded nothing like the Pixies. The soft parts are more delicate and the loud parts are more churning. Their album Glow On is widely beloved, but I had a little trouble finding a way in. My favorite previous Turnstile tune was the one featured in I Think You Should Leave which now makes me tear up in the wake of the death of Biff Wiff. Anyway, I get it now, and this song rules, and the video rules.