Getting ghosted used to be the worst thing that could happen after a decent first date. The bar has dropped since then.

And dating wasn’t exactly going great to begin with. A 2023 Pew Research Center report found that 46% of Americans who had used dating apps or websites described their experiences as negative. Between people disappearing without explanation and others keeping you interested with absolutely no intention of dating you, it’s easy to see why. Here are six dating behaviors you might recognize, even if you’ve never heard their ridiculous names.

1. Breadcrumbing

A breadcrumber gives you just enough attention to keep you interested, usually a random “hey stranger” or an Instagram like at a questionable hour, without ever making actual plans.

In a study of 626 adults, researchers found that people who’d been breadcrumbed reported greater loneliness and lower life satisfaction. Ghosting, meanwhile, had no statistically significant association with those outcomes. At least when someone disappears, you eventually stop expecting a text.

2. Monkey Branching

Monkey branching is when someone starts pursuing their next relationship before ending the one they’re already in. They want another person lined up before breaking things off, presumably because spending a few Friday nights by themselves is simply too much to ask.

Dyllan Watkins, a Neuroscience BSc holder, in collaboration with poly dating platform Sister Wives, told Body+Soul that this behavior “could stem from an insecurity around trust or fear of abandonment.” Unfortunately, the person they’re currently dating gets to deal with the consequences.

3. Phubbing

Phubbing is short for phone snubbing, and it’s when someone scrolls through their phone while you’re attempting to have a conversation.

Baylor University researcher James Roberts found that people who experienced more phubbing from their partners reported greater conflict and lower relationship satisfaction. It’s hard to feel appreciated when you’re competing with someone’s Instagram feed or fantasy football league.

4. Floodlighting

Floodlighting is when someone unloads deeply personal information before you’ve had hardly any time to get to know each other. You’re 20 minutes into a first date and already know all about their childhood trauma and the ex who ruined their life.

Brené Brown has described this behavior as a way of protecting yourself from vulnerability. If the other person backs away, the floodlighter can convince themselves that opening up was a mistake.

5. Orbiting

Orbiting is when someone stops texting you but continues watching everything you post on social media. They might even like a photo once in a while. You haven’t had an actual conversation in weeks, but they’re still keeping up with your life on Instagram.

6. Cloaking

Cloaking takes ghosting a step further. Someone you’ve been talking to or dating disappears and blocks you everywhere, including the dating app where you originally matched. They’ve cut off every possible way to contact them, leaving you with no explanation and no opportunity to even ask what happened.

It’s pretty incredible how much effort some people will put into avoiding a conversation that could be over in two minutes.

The post 6 Dating Trends That Could Be Secretly Ruining Your Love Life appeared first on VICE.

The neck doesn’t get much credit as a sexy body part. It probably should.

Men on Reddit have been discussing this for years. In an r/AskMen thread, guys admitted there’s something incredibly attractive about a woman putting her hair up or sweeping it over one shoulder to expose her neck. One called the move “so f***ing attractive,” while another described the neck as “a really intimate spot on the body.” A third guy said he liked it because it’s “right above the boobs.” Okay, Beavis.

There’s some research to back up the neck’s reputation as an erogenous zone. Bangor University neuroscientist Oliver Turnbull and his colleagues asked nearly 800 people to rate 41 body areas according to how sexually stimulating they found them. The neck ranked near the top, with women rating it slightly higher than men. Feet didn’t get much love.

Men Say This Overlooked Female Body Part Is Incredibly Attractive

Turnbull was interested in why certain places feel good when touched sexually, while others…not so much. After all, your neck and forehead both contain sensory receptors, but most people would probably prefer a kiss on the neck.

There’s also something intimate about letting another person get that close. “Letting someone touch the neck is a major act of trust, so, understandably, some people hate it,” sex and relationship therapist Cate Campbell told Metro. Some people love having their neck kissed, while others would prefer their partner keep their mouth elsewhere.

And there’s an important difference between kissing someone’s neck and putting pressure on it. Sexual choking has become increasingly common, especially among younger adults, and Indiana University sex researcher Debby Herbenick has spent years studying the risks.

“There is truly no safe way to choke someone,” she told Savage Love. Even relatively light pressure can restrict blood flow to the brain, with potentially serious consequences. Her research has also raised concerns about people experiencing choking during otherwise consensual sex without being asked first.

If you happen to find someone’s neck incredibly attractive, there’s nothing wrong with wanting to give it some attention. Just make sure they’re interested in that attention, too. And keep your hands away from their throat.

The post This Is the Most Underrated Body Part on a Woman, According to Men appeared first on VICE.

True crime fans know all about the love letters Ted Bundy received while sitting in prison. It’s a bizarre piece of history, especially considering the man was responsible for murdering numerous young women. And somehow, he still had women lining up to date him.

Bundy even married Carole Ann Boone during his murder trial. But forensic psychologist Katherine Ramsland told HuffPost that these women aren’t necessarily attracted to the crimes themselves. For some, a man serving a life sentence can be “the perfect boyfriend”—after all, you know exactly where he is at all times. 

The fascination with Bundy got University of São Paulo researcher Katharina da Silva wondering what draws people to partners with less-than-lovely personalities. Is there something about certain people that makes narcissism or manipulation attractive, even when everyone else can see the warning signs? To investigate, she and her colleagues surveyed 400 Brazilian adults for a study examining personality traits and romantic preferences.

Scientists Found Something Interesting About People Who Date Manipulative Partners

Participants answered questions about their own levels of narcissism, manipulation, and psychopathy, collectively known as the Dark Triad. They also rated how attractive they found those qualities in a potential partner. According to PsyPost, people who scored higher in these traits were generally more interested in dating someone similar. Narcissists preferred narcissists, and manipulators were drawn to other manipulators.

The researchers also asked participants to rate hypothetical partners on a scale of 1 to 7, and the difference was quite substantial. A kind, considerate person scored nearly 6, while someone described as calculating and willing to do whatever it takes scored about 2.4. Add a history of physical assault, and that number dropped to 1.5.

And money couldn’t save them either. Neither could fame or being ridiculously good-looking. Even when researchers gave the violent hypothetical partner a fortune, celebrity status or an attractive appearance, people still weren’t interested. Da Silva suspects the assault was enough to put people off, regardless of the other qualities.

“Prosociality still remains a far more desirable trait in the context of mate choice,” she told PsyPost.

There are limitations, of course. The partners were fictional descriptions without photos, and the participants were mostly educated adults recruited online. Since every hypothetical partner with appealing qualities also had a history of violence, the researchers couldn’t determine how people might respond to a wealthy, attractive manipulator without an assault charge.

So if a friend’s exes all seem cut from the same cloth, the common thread might be the friend.

The post The Surprising Reason Some People Keep Dating Narcissists, According to Science appeared first on VICE.

Ghosting has no winners. The person left on read spends weeks replaying every text, wondering what the hell happened. And according to new research, the person who disappeared might not feel so great about their decision, either.

Researchers from the University of Cambridge and the University of California conducted three studies for a paper. They examined people’s past experiences, hypothetical situations, and live online conversations. Their finding? “People who are ghosted underestimate how bad their conversation partners feel about ghosting them,” the authors wrote.

People who ghosted reported feeling guilty afterward, and previous research has associated ghosting with depressive symptoms. Interestingly, the guilt was worse when the ghosting happened accidentally. Maybe you forgot to respond to someone, and by the time you remembered, too much time had passed to reply without feeling awkward. So you just…never did.

Of course, feeling guilty doesn’t help the person on the receiving end. Psychologist Jennice Vilhauer wrote in Psychology Today that ghosting “creates the ultimate scenario of ambiguity,” leaving people wondering whether to worry about someone or accept the relationship is over.

Ghosting Isn’t Just Painful for the Person Left Behind, Scientists Say

Some people are also more inclined to ghost than others. A study led by psychologist Gili Freedman found that people who believe relationships are either destined to work or doomed from the beginning were 31.8% more likely to have ghosted someone. So I guess believing in soulmates can make ignoring someone’s texts a little easier.

The Cambridge researchers found that even a short message, something as basic as “sorry, can’t talk,” helped reduce the misunderstanding. A few words could spare both people unnecessary anguish.

Personally, I think ghosting is a cop-out. You can call it “protecting your peace,” and sometimes that might be true. But if you’re ghosting someone you once had a solid relationship with, I’m sorry, but it’s selfish. It’s just an excuse to avoid a hard or uncomfortable conversation.

I’ve been ghosted by someone I thought would be in my life forever (a friend, not a romantic partner), and I would have much preferred they tell me to “f*ck off” to my face than disappear without a conversation. At least I’d have known where we stood. To this day, thinking about this person is incredibly painful because I have no idea what really happened. 

Feeling guilty afterward is fine, I guess. Actually having the conversation would be better.

The post Ghosting Someone Might Actually Be Bad for Your Mental Health, According to Science appeared first on VICE.

Being single past 30 comes with a standard set of questions from aunts and coworkers, usually some version of “Are you seeing anyone?” No one ever asks if you’re actually happy.

Researchers at the University of Toronto did. Lead author Elaine Hoan and her team examined 11 years of data on 2,930 never-married Germans for a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Participants entered the study around ages 18, 26, or 36 and had to report being single at every annual survey to qualify.

Roughly 90% maintained relatively high life satisfaction throughout the study. “Singles’ overall satisfaction with their lives remained remarkably robust,” Hoan told PsyPost. Earlier research using the same data had suggested long-term singles became less satisfied as they aged, partly because it lumped everyone into one average.

Researchers Found That Long-Term Singles Are Happier Than You Might Think

Of course, being happy with your life doesn’t mean you’re thrilled about your dating prospects. About two-thirds of the youngest participants enjoyed being single, while older participants were less enthusiastic. Sexual satisfaction varied, as well. People with higher education levels were more likely to fall into the least sexually satisfied groups. Researchers suggested that demanding academic pursuits could leave less time for sex. So, there’s another thing that isn’t mentioned when you sign up for grad school.

Most participants also expressed moderate to high interest in finding a partner. They could enjoy their lives and still want someone to share them with. The happiest singles generally scored lower in neuroticism and higher in extraversion.

The numbers aren’t much different in the U.S. A 2023 report found that 57% of single adults had no interest in dating or finding a relationship. Single men were more likely to be looking than single women. And when Pew asked singles who weren’t dating why, 72% said they enjoyed being single. That’s a lot of people who are perfectly happy spending their weekends however they damn well please.

Still, people have a hard time believing someone could be happy without a partner. Psychologist Bella DePaulo, author of Single at Heart, has studied this skepticism by asking participants to judge otherwise identical descriptions of single and married people. Even when the single person described a happy life, readers were less inclined to believe it. “If you are already happy, don’t expect marriage to make you even happier,” she wrote in Singled Out, as reported by The Christian Science Monitor.

At the next holiday dinner, “I’m good, thanks” should cover it. Assuming anyone believes you.

The post Most Long-Term Singles Are Actually Happy Being Single, New Study Finds appeared first on VICE.

TikTok has yet another dating theory people treat like gospel: the 3-6-9 dating rule. This concept breaks the first nine months of dating into three stages, with only the strongest couples surviving…

What Is the 3-6-9 Dating Rule? 

According to Susan Trombetti, matchmaker and CEO of Exclusive Matchmaking, the 3-6-9 dating rule is not a new concept, but it is gaining traction for its catchy name. The theory proposes the following three important stages of dating within the first year of a relationship:

0-3 Months: Honeymoon Phase

According to the 3-6-9 dating rule, a couple will remain in the honeymoon phase for the first three months of their relationship. 

“The honeymoon phase is when everything is perfect, you get butterflies when you talk to this person, and nothing seems to be wrong,” Trombetti says.

3-6 Months: Conflict Stage

The 3-6-9 dating rule suggests the honeymoon phase ends after three months, starting the conflict stage. You might start to take your partner off a pedestal and acknowledge their humanness—and vice versa. This can reveal minor annoyances and potential incompatibilities. No relationship is perfect, and you’ll have arguments from time to time. But if you can learn to navigate conflict as a unit, you’ll likely survive this phase.

“The conflict stage is when you most likely will have an actual disagreement on something. Think of this as your first real fight,” Trombetti states. “This will show the other person how you communicate during conflict and how you will resolve it.” 

6-9 Months: Long-Term Decision-Making Phase

By months 6-9, you should be assessing your long-term compatibility with your partner. If you have doubts, you might decide against wasting more time.

“Then the long-term decision-making stage is when you are actually deciding: Is this my person? Do I really see myself with them forever?” Trombetti explains. “This is when you start to really know if they are potentially the ‘one’ and worth pouring your time and heart into.”

Is the 3-6-9 Rule Credible?

According to Trombetti, the timing of the 3-6-9 rule does seem natural. However, she typically recommends waiting for three months before actually committing to someone, which she notes could delay the honeymoon phase.

“I do agree we typically see around 3 months to 6 months of larger conflict, and that really does show you a lot about the person,” she adds. “For 6-9 months, yes, you should know if you want to pursue someone long term, but this could happen earlier potentially if you knew the person prior or are working with someone like a matchmaker/dating coach. Timelines are relative depending on the work you have done on yourself. “

While this dating rule works in many relationships, it shouldn’t be treated as the end-all, be-all of dating advice.

“I would suggest using the timeline to your advantage as more of a check-in point for yourself,” Trombetti recommends. “For instance, I really like the 6-9 months time frame because at that stage you should start to really know if this is something you want to pursue long term. I am not saying get married right there and then, but I am saying it is a good time to recognize: Are there any red flags? Do I want this? And if you are not sure, that might be your answer right there.”

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Mouth-breathing and constant sniffles don’t exactly scream “sexy time,” but you might want to reconsider. Some researchers think sex could help clear a stuffy nose for about an hour.

The research has been making the rounds again, although it was first published in the Ear, Nose & Throat Journal in 2021. It even won an Ig Nobel Prize, which recognizes scientific research that makes people laugh and then think. Researchers led by German ear, nose and throat doctor Olcay Cem Bulut recruited 18 heterosexual couples to measure their nasal breathing before and after sex. They repeated the experiment the next day using a decongestant nasal spray.

For the first hour after sex, participants experienced about the same relief they’d gotten from the nasal spray. Airflow increased by 214 milliliters per second immediately after sex, compared with 235 from the spray. Three hours later, however, their congestion had returned. The spray lasted longer, and the improvement after sex was limited to participants who were already significantly congested.

Bulut came up with the idea after noticing the effect himself. He told Insider that arousal, physical activity, and “the climax at the end can possibly help to improve nasal breathing.”

A Study Found That Having Sex Can Relieve a Stuffy Nose for Up to an Hour

There are some limitations, though. The study involved only 36 people, and researchers had usable airflow measurements from 16. Everyone also had an orgasm, so there’s no way to know if sex without one would have produced similar results.

Sex can also make a stuffy nose worse, depending on the person. There’s a condition called honeymoon rhinitis that causes people to sneeze or get a runny nose when they’re sexually aroused. Doctors have known about it since at least 1875, when one reported a patient who couldn’t think about sex without sneezing. Imagine having to explain that to someone you’re dating.

Decongestant sprays have their drawbacks, too. Don’t use products containing oxymetazoline for more than three days because they can actually make congestion worse. The researchers also suggested masturbation might produce similar relief, although they didn’t test that theory.

An orgasm and an hour of nasal relief? There are worse ways to deal with a cold.

The post Sex Is Just as Effective as Nasal Spray for a Stuffy Nose, According to Scientists appeared first on VICE.

Dating profiles can be generous with the truth. The guy who’s “always up for an adventure” could be going home to a mattress on the floor and a fridge with nothing in it but mustard and one Coors Light. You can learn a lot about a person once you see where they live, and sometimes you wish you hadn’t.

Matchmaking service Tawkify surveyed 500 single Americans over 40 to find out how much a date’s home affects attraction. Half admitted they’d lost interest after seeing where a potential partner lived. Women were quicker to change their minds, at 55% compared with 42% of men. And 13% said they’d formed an opinion within seconds of walking through the door.

In fact, 57% of respondents said they’d discovered something at a person’s home that turned them off after having missed it during previous dates. Unpacked moving boxes bothered 56%, followed by an empty fridge at 48% and dirty dishes at 42%. Another 36% weren’t thrilled by homes with zero personal touches. By your 40s, it’s probably time to have something on the walls besides the thermostat.

These Household Red Flags Could Make Someone Lose Interest in You

The bathroom was a major deciding factor. A clean one with an actual hand towel was the strongest second-date signal, according to 60% of respondents. One woman told Elite Daily that a filthy bathroom would be enough to put her off spending the night. Which seems completely understandable to me. 

Another woman on Reddit described visiting a man’s house and finding a bathroom that “was visibly dirty and didn’t have any toilet paper, soap, or towels.” She ended up ghosting him and felt bad about it. Although I’m curious what he expected guests to do after using the toilet.

Living arrangements also came under scrutiny. The survey found that 41% considered living with parents a red flag. Having adult children or roommates at home bothered 21% each.

People did start to get a little ridiculous when it came to judging size. Another 41% said a one-bedroom, one-bathroom home was a turnoff for anybody over 40. Considering mortgage interest rates and the cost of rent these days, that seems very unfair. 

Fortunately, the bar for impressing a date doesn’t involve owning a mansion. About 68% of respondents assumed a person with a well-kept home had their life together. Warm, traditional interiors appealed to 71%, with natural and neutral styles close behind at 69%. Industrial decor came in last at 49%. Sorry to anyone who spent a fortune making their apartment look like a new brewery.

Of course, if someone does have money, it doesn’t guarantee a pleasant visit. One woman in an AskReddit discussion recalled visiting a date’s gorgeous apartment in an expensive neighborhood, only to discover it was filthy.

A date-ready home costs about as much as a nice dinner out. Buy a decent hand towel and put something in the fridge besides condiments. Whoever comes over is going to look around, so make sure the bathroom passes inspection—aka, have toilet paper. 

The post Things in Your Home That Could Ruin a Second Date, According to Reddit appeared first on VICE.

I often hear this complaint online: Women spend hours prepping for a first date, curling their hair, doing their makeup, and choosing an outfit that’s both cute and casual. We hear conflicting advice: Don’t look like you’re trying too hard, but still look presentable. Don’t show too much skin, but don’t dress overly modest either. You want to appear cool, calm, and collected…but definitely not overly confident.

With all these rules, it’s no wonder so many women dread dating in the first place. As a result, some are going the opposite direction and testing what’s called the “Sweatpants Dating Theory.” This viral social media/TikTok trend removes the pressure to dress up and encourages women to embrace their natural beauty—while staying comfortable in sweatpants. The theory suggests that you’ll attract better matches.

What Is the Sweatpants Dating Theory?

Julie Nguyen, a certified dating coach at Hily Dating App, defines the sweatpants dating theory as “a viral dating trend on TikTok that says dressing comfortably in cozy clothes can actually increase your odds of meeting new people and attracting a higher-quality man because it signals confidence, genuineness, and being low-maintenance, which makes women seem more approachable.”

Is there any validity to this theory? Well, it depends on who you ask.

According to Dr. Dakari Quimby, PhD, MA, Clinical Advisor of Marietta Springs, a modern evidence-based treatment center located in Marietta, Georgia, “Sweatpants cannot attract higher-quality men in any reliable sense, and someone’s character is judged through respect, consistency, and whether words match behavior over time.”

However…

“If you’re looking to make connections with others, you may feel more relaxed and comfortable in casual clothing,” he adds. “In turn, others may perceive you as more relaxed and approachable as well. It will take the pressure off you and, ironically, make you more likable and less socially awkward.”

Why Might Wearing Sweatpants Attract More Genuine Connections

As stated above, wearing sweatpants to a first date can shift an otherwise anxiety-inducing or awkward interaction into a more lighthearted, casual affair.

“You seem more approachable, friendlier, and less intimidating,” Nguyen explains. “They’re seeing you in a more effortless, relaxed state.”

However, this doesn’t mean you should dress like a total slob with unwashed sweatpants and a stained T-shirt.

“It’s important to lean into cozy clothes where you feel more confident, but not too baggy or worn out where it can feel like a complete lack of effort,” Nguyen explains.

Therapists’ Opinions on the Theory

Therapists seem to have mixed opinions on this particular dating theory and its relevance in today’s dating scene.

“I totally agree [with the theory] because this is how I attracted my boyfriend,” says Nguyen. “I met him when I was dressed more casually in baggy jeans and a Yankees cap with no makeup. I brought a book to the coffee shop and felt like I was able to be more relaxed, which was attractive to him.”

On the other hand, Quimby has some notes on the idea.

“I agree with showing up authentically, but I disagree that one outfit improves your dating pool,” says Quimby. “So remind yourself to choose clothes that you feel good in. If you’re still stuck on what to wear, focus on choosing something that makes you feel good. However, it is human nature that we judge on ‘first’ impression.”

What the Sweatpants Theory Reveals About Modern Dating

According to Nguyen, this theory shows that “people are looking for someone they can imagine sitting on the couch with, laid-back, and being themselves.” 

“There’s something incredibly attractive about someone who feels comfortable in their own skin and doesn’t feel the need to impress anyone,” she says.

Relationships aren’t always expensive date nights, luxurious outings, or fancy clothing. Letting someone see your more natural, casual side offers a level of intimacy most first dates lack.

However, this idea extends far beyond our external appearances. It’s all about showing up authentically, which can be done with or without sweatpants.

“The popularity of this idea reflects how much people want dating to feel less performative and more authentic, but clothing alone is not a reliable test of compatibility,” Quimby says.

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Growing up as a Millennial, I’ve learned (and since unlearned) a ton of old-fashioned dating advice and expectations. One concept that’s always stuck with me is the idea of one partner “wearing the pants” in the relationship. Usually, this person is the more authoritative, dominant, and traditionally “masculine” partner—the “head of the house,” so to speak.

I’ve always thought the statement was silly and outdated. In fact, I remember my high school boyfriend’s friend spewing it at me as an insult. God forbid a woman wants some power in her relationship…I wear my pants with pride.

But I digress.

Though the phrase is a bit antiquated today, its underlying context does shed light on potentially unhealthy or unbalanced dynamics between partners. Here are four signs you “wear the pants” in your relationship—and should maybe delegate a bit of your responsibility and control.

1. You Make Most of the Decisions

Many relationships have one primary decision-maker and one go-with-the-flow partner. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can lead to imbalance and resentment on both ends.

“I’d look at who makes the plans and [whether] they check in with their partner first,” says April Davis, founder and celebrity matchmaker at LUMA Luxury Matchmaking and an accredited dating coach. “If someone books a vacation or agrees to host Thanksgiving without checking, they probably assume their partner will go along with it. That’s a sign that they wear the pants in the relationship.”

2. You Make and Manage Most of the Money

This is where the idiom gets a bit outdated, as it often refers to the money-maker as the one in control. However, that isn’t always the case.

“Money plays a huge part in relationship dynamics, especially when one person is supporting the other,” says Davis. “Being the higher earner doesn’t automatically mean you wear the pants, but if ‘I’m the one paying for it’ ends the argument, that probably means you wear the pants.”

It also probably means you use money as power, in which case, you should probably do some self-reflection.

3. You Usually Have the Final Say

In a healthy relationship, both individuals should feel they have an equal say on important decisions and compromises.

“Who gets their way after an argument can tell you who really wears the pants,” Davis points out. “Everyone gives in on things they don’t care much about. But if it’s the same person making concessions every time, even on things that matter to them, that’s a pretty good sign.”

4. Your Plans and Goals Come First

Look, I get it: we all want to respect our own plans and life goals. But relationships require (some) sacrifice. Neither partner should feel like the supporting character in the other’s life.

“Maybe you always spend the holidays with their family, or weekend plans depend on what they want to do. As a matchmaker, I’d want to know whether their partner likes that or has just stopped expressing their needs,” says Davis. “Some people are happy to let their partner take the lead. The problem is when one person feels they don’t get a say.”

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Another day, another dating theory—and this one is a bit brutal, particularly to men. Coined by relationship counselor and author John Gray in his 1992 bestselling book, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, the “Rubber Band Theory” in dating suggests that men alternate between seeking closeness with and seeking space from a partner. 

Like a rubber band, this push-and-pull pattern can greatly affect their ability to form a romantic connection. However, for the man, it’s a desire to maintain their independence within the relationship—not a sign of disinterest.

I spoke with a Harvard-trained clinical psychologist and relationship expert to learn more about this seemingly outdated theory. 

What Is the Rubber Band Dating Theory? 

The rubber band dating theory essentially compares men to a “rubber band” when it comes to intimacy.

“More specifically, they get close, then need to pull away, come back, and then feel stronger in their connection,” says Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, Harvard-trained clinical psychologist and relationship expert at Hily Dating App.

This back-and-forth dynamic can cause the other partner emotional whiplash while they’re simply trying to build a connection. But for the man, it’s believed to help him regain his sense of self.

Is There Truth to the Rubber Band Dating Theory?

According to Dr. Romanoff, this rubber-band dynamic is common in dating, particularly with men or anxious-avoidant partners.

“From the male perspective, getting close can feel threatening and scary because it may come with a loss of autonomy or independence,” says Dr. Romanoff. “Their partner’s response to their distance and lack of chase or pressure often guarantees that they will come back on their own terms. On the receiving end, this can feel disorienting, like abandonment, especially after experiences of closeness.”

“It’s common with people who are anxious or ambivalent about a new partner, or about the idea of getting back into a relationship,” Dr. Romanoff adds. “They may retreat, and in that space realize their concerns were out of proportion or irrational, which then prompts their return.” 

Why Men Might Experience Intimacy Like a Rubber Band

This dating theory is often applied as a blanket statement to most male daters. However, men aren’t the only ones who can display this behavior or pattern. For example, many anxious or avoidant women engage in this push-and-pull dynamic with intimacy as well.

“Intimacy is scary for everyone. It often comes with vulnerability and the possibility of getting hurt or rejected,” says Dr. Romanoff. “People often need to ease into it to feel safe and secure. Attachment style also plays a role; people with more avoidant attachment tend to need more space and distance as they attach to romantic partners.”

While dating theories like this one can help us avoid pain, rejection, and confusion in the dating scene, they can also dehumanize individuals who are simply trying their best. Sure, someone might struggle with intimacy at the start of a relationship, but that doesn’t always mean they have malicious intent or will break your heart.

“Bank this pattern as information, but don’t act impulsively by writing them off or aggressively chasing them,” Dr. Romanoff states. “Give them time to come back to you, and recognize it as a data point.”

The post The ‘Rubber Band Theory’ Could Explain Why Your Boyfriend Is Being So Distant appeared first on VICE.

Can you imagine a dating trend more evil than ghosting? Unfortunately, “cloaking” takes the cake on this one.

This dating trend was coined by Rachel Thompson “after a truly terrible dating experience.” In a video for Mashable, she defined cloaking as “being stood up—but extra.”

Here’s how to spot the common yet hurtful behavior in your own dating life, and why it’s becoming so common today.

What Is the ‘Cloaking’ Dating Trend? 

According to Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, Harvard-trained clinical psychologist and relationship expert at Hily Dating App, “[cloaking] is when a person decides to sever all connection with you.”

“It often occurs after they stand you up for a date,” she adds. “Instead of maintaining ties, and potentially dealing with the consequences of their actions, they block you on the app where you initially met.”

As someone who actually has a heart and good communication skills, you might be wondering: Why do people engage in this avoidant behavior?

“Most often this results from self-protection after negative past experiences,” Dr. Romanoff explains. “If you’ve had a history of someone bombarding you with angry messages, trying to dox your account, posting about your wrongdoings online, or trying to report you, it makes sense why you might be inclined to cloak away from the harm and avoid the consequences of your actions.”

Cloaking Vs. Ghosting

Cloaking is similar to ghosting in that it involves cutting all ties with a connection. However, it’s actually much more sinister in nature, backed by malicious or self-serving intentions.

“Ghosting is a step below cloaking in intent and energy level as ghosting is a much more passive response,” says Dr. Romanoff. “Ghosting is when a person is conflict-avoidant and keeps you in the grey space-wondering if they will ever reach out again. The window is still open when it comes to ghosting, whereas cloaking is intentional, deliberate, and final. It’s much harsher and often a response to them avoiding the embarrassment of the consequences of their actions.”

Are You Being Cloaked?

If you’re even wondering whether someone might be “cloaking” you, it’s probably a sign to distance yourself from them. When someone cuts ties without any communication—while simultaneously removing your access to them—they’re making their disinterest painfully clear.

“It’s glaringly simple, which sometimes can be the hardest thing to accept,” says Dr. Romanoff. “If they make a plan, no show, and then remove any connection or trace you had of them on the app where you originally connected, you’ve been cloaked.”

And look, I get it: many of us crave a conversation, closure, or even some form of justice after being disrespected and discarded by another person. But your best bet is to shake off the rejection, knowing it has nothing to do with you, and pour your energy into healthier connections.

“The automatic pull is to feel wounded and to want to win them over,” Dr. Romanoff explains. “It’s essential that you shift, instead, to disgust and feel turned off. This isn’t how your life partner would treat you or make you feel. This person lacks accountability or thoughtfulness. You just aren’t a match long term.”

And if they try circling back in a few months, hit them with the same behavior by blocking them in return. You don’t need that selfish, cruel energy in your dating life.

The post Introducing ‘Cloaking,’ the Latest Dating Trend Tormenting Hopeful Singles appeared first on VICE.

All these “dating trends” are enough to make even the most hopeless of romantics want to lock themselves away for a life in solitude—and today’s is no exception. While it certainly doesn’t need a label, the dating/breakup tactic called “fizzling” is an incredibly common and hurtful way to end a relationship. In fact, the term describes a pattern that’s been around for a long while.

Here’s what you should know about the “fizzling” in dating, and why it’s so casually cruel.

What Is the ‘Fizzling’ Dating Trend?

The fizzling dating trend is essentially a cowardly (yeah, I said it) way of steadily backing out of a relationship without confrontation or discussion. Rather than being upfront about their disinterest or wavering feelings, these partners choose to pull away at an agonizingly slow pace.

“Fizzling is when someone gradually fades away with communication, effort, and affection, which essentially initiates a ‘non-breakup’ without having an explicit conversation about it,” says Julie Nguyen, a certified dating coach at Hily Dating App. “Instead of directly ending the relationship, they slowly distance themselves.”

While fizzling is essentially the complete opposite of ghosting (which involves cutting all communication and ties to a partner without any conversation), it can be just as—if not more—painful. If ghosting is quickly ripping off the band-aid, then fizzling is slowly pulling it from your skin, so you feel every tug, rip, and tear—all while questioning what’s actually happening.

“Fizzling keeps someone in limbo and uncertainty, which makes them question their reality and connection with themselves,” says Nguyen. “The person offers mixed signals while slowly cutting the other person out of their life, which leaves you holding onto hope and confusion about where you stand.”

Why Someone Might ‘Fizzle’ Their Way Out of a Relationship

There are many reasons someone might choose to “fizzle” their way through a breakup, ranging from immaturity and cowardice to poor communication skills and fear. Though they might not have malicious intent, the negative impact is just the same.

“People fizzle because they want to avoid conflict, have avoidant tendencies, are not the most direct communicators, and don’t want to hurt the person, so they feel like this is the best action,” Nguyen explains. “They might believe that pulling away is less hurtful than having an uncomfortable conversation, but it can create more confusion and pain.”

Is Your Partner ‘Fizzling’ You?

As you settle deeper into your commitment, you might notice your partner slowly disengaging or putting less effort into maintaining your connection. But are they fizzling, or are they just growing complacent? Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to spot the difference.

“If you feel like someone is fizzling, you will see the signs that they’re still in the relationship while acting like they don’t have any responsibility for maintaining it, such as slowing down communication, shortening their responses, and making less effort to connect,” says Nguyen. “You’re the only one making plans, initiating conversations, and putting in the effort to keep the connection going.”

To understand whether this is fizzling or just mere laziness, call your partner out on their behavior. Opening the door to communication can help encourage honesty and transparency.

“If this is happening to you, I would suggest being upfront about what you’re noticing and asking them to have a direct conversation, because someone who is fizzling is often avoiding being upfront themselves,” Nguyen says.

The post What Is ‘Fizzling’? The Dating Trend That Has the Internet Livid. appeared first on VICE.

Few topics get men online as heated as what happened to their penis when they were a few days old. Circumcision has inspired years of arguments over sexual pleasure and sensitivity, with both sides convinced they’ve got the better deal. Now, researchers have revisited the science, and the bad news is the findings probably won’t settle the debate.

A 2025 analysis of 15 studies involving nearly 15,000 men found something that might surprise people on both sides. Circumcised men reported slightly higher sexual satisfaction and erectile function scores, along with less pain during sex. But as Psychology Today reported, the differences were small, and researchers couldn’t say whether they’d make any noticeable difference in someone’s actual sex life.

The findings aren’t exactly a reason to run out and get circumcised. The differences were small, and the studies didn’t always agree. Even the researchers weren’t sure how much those differences would mean during sex. A guy who’s perfectly happy with his sex life isn’t going to learn about his own experience from a statistical average.

Circumcised Men May Have a Slight Advantage in Bed, New Research Suggests

Earlier studies have been inconsistent. Some men reported problems with sexual pleasure after circumcision, while others noticed little change. Depending on how researchers recruited participants, they may have heard disproportionately from men with strong opinions about the procedure. That’s a pretty difficult thing to account for when you’re asking people to rate something as personal as sex.

Sensitivity has been another source of argument for years. In 2016, researchers at Queen’s University tested 62 men to see how their penises responded to touch and heat. They checked several areas, including the glans and, where present, the foreskin, but didn’t find significant differences in the sensitivity measures they compared between circumcised and uncircumcised men.

“It was my hope that this study would calm people’s fears,” researcher Jennifer Bossio told VICE. Critics questioned whether 62 participants were enough to detect differences. And even if you can measure how sensitive someone’s penis is to heat or touch, that doesn’t necessarily explain how much pleasure they experience during sex.

The American Academy of Pediatrics weighed in back in 2012, saying that circumcision has certain health benefits, although they weren’t significant enough to recommend it for every newborn boy. That policy has since expired. For many families, the decision has as much to do with religious or cultural traditions as with medical advice.

For most men circumcised as infants, somebody else made that decision years ago. And for men who weren’t circumcised, there’s no reason to look at these findings and assume they’re missing out on something. The research doesn’t establish that either group is guaranteed a better sex life, and having a foreskin certainly isn’t a sexual disadvantage by default.

If you’re happy with your sex life, there’s no reason to start questioning your penis because some dude on Reddit thinks theirs is better.

The post Does Being Circumcised Make Sex Better or Worse? Here’s What Science Says. appeared first on VICE.

Just what you’ve been waiting for: a story that just about out-pervs “Hot Tween Nurses.” Speaking of waiting, this one made the rounds of some other blogs a short while ago, but we figured, hey, let’s try not to subject our readers to a full eyeball scrub more than once a month.

But now it’s May, so here goes. Some of us are fortunate to have lovely memories of growing-up milestones with Dad. Mine taught me to ride a bike, to drive, to whistle with a blade of grass. You may recall a father-daughter picnic, a father-daughter heart-to-heart.

And how about a Father-Daughter Purity Ball? This past spring brought us the fourth annual such event sponsored by Colorado Springs’ Generations of Light Ministries; according to Focus on the Family, other cities and organizations are following suit.

Call these balls “Virginity Pledge: The Musical.” Or “Pretty Baby,” without the actual auction. Dolled up in tiaras and pearls — or perhaps abstinence jewelry — the girls (some of whom look young enough to wish they were home watching “Dora the Explorer”) are escorted by their dads to this creepy cotillion that, as far as I can tell from the photos, includes some sort of interpretive dance, as well as “a memorable ceremony for daughters to pledge commitments to purity and their fathers to pledge commitments to protect their girls.”

Here’s daddy’s script: “I, [daughter’s name]’s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountability as I lead, guide and pray over my daughter and as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to influence generations to come.” OK, “high priest?” Also, I’m guessing the part about “I will pay for my daughter’s therapy in perpetuity” is in the fine print.

I mean, for one thing, I’d want my dad thinking hard, really hard, about my virginity even less than I’d want to think about my parents having sex.

Here’s what one 11-year-old (or adult publicist) for the Ministries had to say: “The moment I put my hand in my father’s, I felt like a princess. In those six precious hours, I believe I grew in relationship with my father more than I ever have. I knew it was my night, and I treasured every minute of it.” I probably don’t have to spell this out for you, but replace the word “father” with “boyfriend” (or, to be charitable, “new husband”) and … eeuw.

Want some more? “How can you measure the value of your eleven-year-old looking up into your eyes (as you clumsily learn the fox-trot together) with innocent, uncontainable joy, saying, ‘Daddy, I’m so excited!'” wrote a dad who has taken both of his daughters to the ball. “It is impossible to convey what I have seen in their sweet spirits, their delicate, forming souls, as their daddy takes them out for their first, big dance. Their whole being absorbs my loving attention, resulting in a radiant sense of self-worth and identity. Think of it from their perspective: My daddy thinks I’m beautiful in my own unique way. My daddy is treating me with respect and honor. My daddy has taken time to be silly, and even made a fool of himself, learning how to dance. My daddy really loves me!” I don’t know, I’m pretty sure my dad got that same feeling from taking me out to the yard to play badminton.

Look, I’m not a parent yet, but I’ve been thinking about how to have a cool and convincing “Why I recommend that you wait to have sex” conversation with my daughter — and, I might add pointedly, my son — for years. And surely there’s some truth to the suggestion that the health of a girl’s relationship with her father (or father figure, if any) can have some effect on the health of her relationship with potential boyfriends. But … a dance? A public pledge? An, ahem, Georgia O’Keeffe-shaped canopy of white balloons? And where do the boys come in? Will these girls grow up thinking of them as predators from whom they need daddy’s protection, or as peers with whom they can set boundaries together? Better these parents should teach their princesses to throw balls instead of dress for them.

The post Daddy’s little virgin appeared first on Salon.com.